I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
