so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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