at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You took a bar mat shot.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
