My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm like, not good at living.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
