His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
