do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
