1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
she pinky promised me she was 18
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
