it was like his penis was on wheels.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
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So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
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I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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