Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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