i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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