I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
