I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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