i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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