you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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