I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
