He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
