please come you make the beer taste better
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
