so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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