apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
