3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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