You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
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