And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
