Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
