Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
