I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I AM VODKA MAN
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
