ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
