Hey man sorry I got all grabby
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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