This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
