yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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