I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
