matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
