when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
