you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
