now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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