I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I could fuck to npr.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
