OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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