Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
you had me at cake vodka
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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