i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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