i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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