there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
