i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
