I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
