Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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