I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
