you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
