I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
