he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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