hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
