its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
