Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
