you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
