I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
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I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
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Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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