You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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