I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
