we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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