my soul wont recognize me after tonight
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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