You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
