And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
