that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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