omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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