it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.