I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
