and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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