my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen