You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?