help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.