I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
17 People Reveal The Reasons Behind Their Foot Fetish
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My ass is underappreciated
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?