Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize