dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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