I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
