Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Welp...herpes.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
