and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm sobbing to NWA
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
