Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
